Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
