dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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