So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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