I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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