Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wish I only lived at night.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
