I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
