Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
