im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
