it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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