I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
