Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
