i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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