saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
