I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
