My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
