I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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