Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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