I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
