I queefed so loud it echoed.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
