I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
