dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
