I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
