weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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