Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
