I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
