it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
