Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
foreskin is a definite game changer
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
