When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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