i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Houston, we have a squirter
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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