I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
