Please, let me fuck your mom
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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