He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Terrible idea I love it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
