a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
