I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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