wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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