A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
