Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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