Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
