Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
