what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
