Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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