How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
