My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
