Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
