So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Oh god it's open bar.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
