People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
