I feel great
I just peed on a car
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
