he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
