If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So many bounce houses so little time
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
