you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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