My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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