Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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