Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
