Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
