i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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